Quality Control
I was 13 years old the first time a boy went down on me. He was also 13 and it was on the cross-country trail that connected the middle school we attended to the high school we would be attending in a year and a half. A couple of girls in our class came looking for us, and while they knew we were messing around, they were not prepared for what they rolled up on that fateful winter’s day. Thank God for curiosity. Had they not been snooping, no one would have believed it otherwise: that a boy went down on a girl. Even then I had to wonder, “Who taught him this?” There was never even any pay back, it was so quick and suddenly there were two girls watching us with their mouths wide-open in disbelief. You have to understand where that put me in the order of things. It would still be at least another year before the advent of oral into the average teenager’s diet, and that was still mostly girls going down on boys. The first vestiges of experimentation is usually attributed to the girl, as soon as she gets her braces off.
While playing the vision of his bobbing, blond head lapping me up, I began to think about what it must be like down there. So while laying in bed, I reached in with my finger and tasted it. I knew, even then, that I was embarking on a charmed sexual existence and I had to be sure that my pussy tasted good. Thankfully, it did.
I have to admit, I check myself every so often. Whether on the lips of someone who has just indulged or the trusty finger-test. A friend of mine was shocked to hear that this, I was more shocked that she hasn’t ever wondered about her own vaginal flavor and indulged. No well-trained chef would put the sauce out there without knowing that it tasted good and fresh. Why should I be any different?
Happy. Thanks. Giving.
Raaaaaaandom hook-up Thanksgiving weekend with a guy I know from around a certain scene of cats I party with once in blue moon. I was a little surprised when he started texting me, then a couple days later more texts ensued and the level of intimacy was raised. He wasn’t at all bashful about filling me in on his own latest escapades, until finally I had to let him know that a panty change was in my immediate future. That’s when I get the address. Showed up and he was an absolute gentleman. Drinks, pre-requisite convo, then the clothes came off and we went to the bedroom. He was incredibly giving. I am so totally into a good fingering and he was not afraid to go down like a champ. It’s pretty obvious that this man has been around and he had technique down to the numbers. Fast little tongue on that fellow, I climaxed twice during that session. We took a break, watched a movie, cuddled (funny how this happened in the middle, not the beginning). We decided to get ready for bed, because it was a school night for me. Let me tell you that this player had an arsenal of new toothbrushes under the sink, all I had to do was pick a color and go. Now that takes some planning. I’m left wondering just how much money a month this guy spends on toothbrushes. We slept for about an hour, then during some half-awake cuddle session he got hard. Hard.
I’m 5’2 and when he slid his hard cock in, it filled me up completely. The only thing I can compare it to is a can of cranberry jelly. Stay with me on this one; the goal of a can of cranberry jelly is to get the cranberry jelly out of the can in one beautifully, congealed loaf. If the loaf is standing erect, you should be able to just put the can back over it, and let the jelly slide in and out, always filling in the circumference of the can airtight, until it’s ready to serve. Well, that’s exactly how a good cock should feel, like it’s taking up the whole space over and over. I hope he keeps my toothbrush on reserve.
Fear and Loathing in her Vagina
Fear and Loathing in her Vagina.
by flatoutfree
What the fuck just happened.
I just had a memorable experience with a chick I met at a bar a couple weeks ago.
We chat on the phone and agree to meet up at a local bar. I go pick her up, we get there, munch on some peanuts, shoot the shit, and talk about urban exploration. I suggest doing a little exploring around campus; she’s all for it. I escalate gently and by the end of the conversation we’re making out.
Eventually we get going. We head outside and I hand her the passenger helmet. As soon as she grabs onto the helmet I pull the helmet to my side, forcing her body into mine. I hover my lips over hers until she kisses me. We make out some more, I pull her tightly into me.
Me: How about we skip the exploring and go watch a movie
Her: What movie?
Me: You pick. See how selfless I am?
So we go back to my place, my roommates are there, we do introductions, I pull her into my room. We throw on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I position her body the way I want it on my bed. We’re spooning and feeling eachother up as the movie starts; about 10 minutes in she rotates her body into mine and I get between her legs.
She’s got an incredible body. Her bellybutton is pierced. Her lips are amazing. She’s got black eyeliner on that just makes her oh so appealing to me. She’s writhing beneath me… deja vu sets in.
We fuck around and she tells me she’s just getting off her period.
Me: “I don’t mind, it’s up to you.”
So I end up fingering her for a while before we start fucking. She said she didn’t have a tampon or pad in.
While fingering her I noticed something very odd on the right interior wall of her vagina.
I thought maybe it was a tumor or some sort of growth, then I noticed it moved around. It was pretty small… definitely not a forgotten tampon. There was something suspicious going on. I asked myself… when the hell is the point in time when you just give up trying to get something out of your vagina. Like… if you’re cleaning it and something gets stuck, what is it, 5 minutes? 10 minutes? When you just say “fuck it” and leave it there for your body to absorb? There was SOMETHING of chunky nature lodged in the corner of her vag. She must have put it there. Did she forget about it? Maybe she has ADD and it kicked in at an awkward moment… I thought it might have been poop at first but then I realized that didn’t make any sense. What the hell is going on?
I end up fingering her more, she’s squirming, then I ninja this mystery artifact out of her vagina. I didn’t want to embarrass her so I just covertly threw it under my bed for later analysis. Maybe she noticed and didn’t say anything. Either way I’m excited, curious, and scared all at the same time.
For the rest of the night all I could think about was “what the fuck did I just put under my bed.” I was fucking her and I thought about this. I was kissing her and I thought about it. When we were done I just sat there and thought about it. What the hell was that thing?
I dropped her off earlier this morning. There was a career fair here at my University so I had to get all dressed up and pass my resume out. All I could think about while chatting with the recruiters was “what the hell did I pull out of this chick’s vagina.” I never even got a good look at the thing. Is it biological? Did her mind wander while she was masturbating? What does it smell like? I wonder what the inside looks like? What color is it?
Well I just got back to my apartment a little while ago. This is an account of my real-time examination of this vaginal souvenir.
Alright, I’m going to my bed right now to recover this thing.
Here it is:
It looks like a fucking owl pellet. If I find the skull of a mouse in this thing I’m going to flip.
Dissection commencing…
Should I smell it?
I’m gonna smell it.
I almost just vomited. Pretty sure my roommate just heard me scream in agony. It smells like feces. This thing that I just retrieved from her vagina smells like poop.
Okay, I’m investigating the interior of this mystery chunk.
My fork won’t penetrate this item easily. It has the consistency of a soggy wad of paper towel.
I’m cutting through it now.
Oh god.
It’s definitely made of some sort of paper material. It is not poop. I’m not sure why I feel disappointed.
Fuck my life, this smells horrid.
It seems to be a pre-rolled device of some sort. Perhaps of menstrual nature. Forgotten menstrual nature.
For authenticity:
In any event, she was a good fuck and she’s one of the hottest chicks I’m seeing. A solid addition to my newfound harem. Maybe I’ll find a rubik’s cube in her butthole.
c’mon, it’s still november for two more dayz!!
I know I’m late on this and I’m sure I don’t have the time to embed this correctly but it’s cute n funny n I’m throwin it up here anyway.
http://video.aol.com/video/have-sex-with-a-guy-with-a-mustache-day/2499120797
icecreeem
longdickdong
whiptcreeem
youscreeem
i scream, you scream 
