i scream, you scream

who wants to grind?

Archive for August 2010

Smell yo Dick.

with 4 comments

I, for the first time, started sleeping with a man who was uncircumcised.  It honestly didn’t make that much of a difference to me at all.  Everything seemed totally normal.  Almost everything.  We slept together 4 times.  The first time I was drunk and don’t remember much.  The second time there was definitely a moment when I went to go down on him and I noticed a pungent odor.  I thought to myself, “OMG… is that me??  Did we rub privates and now his dick smells because of my vag juice?”.  We all know vaginas sometimes smell.  We have wAY more inner workings going on there and lets face it… it happens. And to be clear, I don’t mind a little ball sweat smell… but this was more.  I excused myself for a second pretending I had to use the bathroom to check out the sitch.  Nothin.  Peachy fresh.  I give a quick rinse just to be sure and head back to the bed.  Upon working my way back towards his cock with my mouth it becomes apparently clear that his dick just smELLs.  Awkward.  I even notice that the smell has transferred to my hand.  There’s  no turning back at this point and being the good woman I am, I take a deep breath and go in.  I hold my breath while giving him head taking short breaks to quickly breath out, breath in through my mouth and carry on.  I do this for all of a minute or 2 before I pull a “I need you inside me right now” kinda thing JUST to get it away from my face.  The only way to fix it was to bury it (condoms of cOURse).  And the sex was good… he was well hung and it was by no means mind blowing… but good.

The next time we meet up, we end up in the bedroom and I don’t even think about it at first.  I figured the last time he must have been running around all day… un showered… it couldn’t be an all the time kind of stench.  He must have just been having a smelly dick day.  Something we women can totally relate to (and I would never write off a perfectly good peen for one day of being less than calgon fresh).  We start talking about what we like, what we don’t like.  I tell him I like it rough.  I tell him I like my hair pulled.  I tell him I like for a man to slap his cock on my face.  We start disrobing, and, as per my own instructions, he mounts me and starts to bring his penis to my face when I realize… it fucking STINKS!!  Like I’m talking ear cheese stink.  Sharp.  PaINful.  And now he has pinned me down and thinks I want him to rub it all over my face.  I swear… only in my world…

So unfortunate… because he was fun.  Great body, great dick, sexy euro accent…  *sigh*

It made me feel kind of bad for him because one can only assume he has no idea.  And I find it unfortunate that no girlfriend has ever told him.  I have only slept with one other man with an uncircumcized dick (one time) and I would definitely remember if it had smelled, so I am definitely not saying they all do.  I assume, it is a matter of keeping it really reAlly clean.  Youscreeem and I googled it this morning and found that: an accumulation of  smegma in the foreskin can contribute to the fishy smell.  Smegma IS a real word… who kneW!?

Listen… I am not judging or talking shit.  I really just think it’s important for uncircumcised men to be awARE.  Women have to worry about it all the time.  And it sucks.  I know a lot of girls who can’t even get comfortable receiving head because they are so self conscious about it.  I lived with bacterial vaginosis, undiagnosed (planned parenthood FAIL) for over a year.  It was HELL.  Nothing will rob you of your femininity like being able to smell yourself at all times.  My boyfriend at the time (what a trooper) and I had a joke about it.  We called it “void stank puss”… it was amazing that he stuck with me but still… HELL.  But, BV, much like smegma, affects millions of people and is easily rectified if you just take the proper steps to treat, or in the case if the cheesy smegma dick… just CLEAN that shit!!  Tell your friends.  Spread the word.  We don’t have to live with genital stench… life is better than that!!!!

With that… I leave you with a song.


love,

me.

fuck fuck fuck a duck screw a kangaroo

with 3 comments

1)  Sorry it’s been so long… wait… no i’m not.

2)

3)  True story:

Him:  “It’s a shame you can’t cum while having sex… you seem to enjoy it so much…”

Me: “um…”

4) It sucks when you continue to sleep with someone just to avoid having to let them down by stopping.  I just want everyone to be  happy!!  Am I the only one this happens to?

5) when i was in 7th grade me and my friends made this song up about a boy in our class (to the tune of dreidel dreidel dreidel)… ahem…

“O nick nick nick, he’s made without a dick,

So when he wants to do it, he has to use a stick.  (or a ruler).”

Poor kid… I wonder where he is now…

6) Grieving men are sexy.  It’s an inexplicable phenomenon.  This is so fucked up… but i recently went home because a woman very near and dear to me passed away.  Her family and mine have lived next to each other for 30 years.  She has a son my age who, since taking our pants off when we were little and playing doctor with a pizza cutter, I have never had any sexual feelings towards whatsoever.  He is now married with  baby on the way.  When I went home to be with the families last week as soon as I saw him I immediately wanted to have sex with him.  Its totally fucked up.  What IS that?

7) ima start saying “wine me dine me 69 me”… let’s bring it back.

8)

9) fuck you.

10) Just kidding i LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Written by icecreeem

August 27, 2010 at 10:21 pm

you can’t stop my shiiiiine!!!

leave a comment »

I’m ridin solo too…

Hey, Man, Sorry About Your Air Mattress…

leave a comment »

I didn’t think we would really pop it.

Written by whiptcreeem

August 18, 2010 at 9:02 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Young Buck, Pretty Cock

with one comment

Well-groomed, hot-body, not the brightest bulb in the box, but I wasn’t looking for someone to talk to. At least not in the intellectual manner. The cock was pretty. I was impressed and I have laid on eyes on a lot of cock. It’s the type of cock that should be used as a mold for dildos. Seriously. He was very proud of his abdominal muscles and of re-iterating the fact that he had done 500 crunches that morning. This was, of course, a segway for him to lift his shirt, which leads to the shirt coming off and my hand running across the muscles and down into the pants. For what? Pretty cock. Did I mention how cleanly shaved he was? I mean balls and everything. Not a hair to impede any sort of access to the cock. I’m going to take at stab at this and say it was at least ten inches. And tan, as he also has a thing for tanning beds.

Young Buck likes things rough. I was a bit shocked when he grabbed me around the throat, to the point where I actually said, out loud, “Oh, you’re one of those.” He replied with, “Shut the fuck up and take off your pants.” He was physical. He liked to stand on the bed and tear it up from behind, which was rather amazing considering he was 6’3″. “I wish you could see this,” he was able to grunt out while riding me, standing, as I was on all fours with my ass tilted high towards him. I wish I could too, but the mirrors in the room were poorly placed in relation to the bed. He switched positions quickly, not really giving me the chance to get my own thing going on. At some point, Young Buck’s pretty cock was back in my mouth and before I could even touch myself he had shot off. That was a bit of a let down. He then told me to spit it out (duh, asshole). I guess he’s used to women doing that because we only swallow when we’re in love.

Then, he left. Not that I mind, because I find it difficult sleeping next to strange and I really wanted to sleep, but I was engorged. That’s right, I had a case of female blue balls because I had not gotten mine when Young Buck decided to peace out. I sang vibrato for a minute, if you get my drift, to take care of things. It’s going to be a few more years before Young Buck thinks less about himself and more about the pussy laid open before him. Making a man cum is easy, making a woman cum is a phenomenal skill and a thing of beauty to behold. A man with a certain amount of sexual prowess wears the making of a woman climaxing like a notch on his belt, or on his bed post, which ever is closer. What’s the point of a pretty cock if you’re not going to use it to spread joy and peace through the land? Such a waste…

Written by whiptcreeem

August 12, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Posted in Uncategorized