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Posts Tagged ‘orgasm

Public awareness campaign

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The other night I was having drinks with one of my best friends and her boyfriend when we came upon the topic of his going down on her. She wasn’t a fan. “He’s more into it than I am.” What? Why? “Well, I don’t get off from it.” But it at least starts the process, right? “You know I never get off, right?”

I almost spit out my drink. The girl is 29. She’s dated plenty of boys. Her current boyfriend worships the ground she walks on. And she’s never had an orgasm?

So, the worst part of this is, this is not the first girl who’s told me this. This is not the second or the third. Of course, it’s no big secret: girls suck at having orgasms. And guys, you have been faked on. Guaranteed.

My super scientific reasoning for this is that guys have a penis dangling between their legs that they likely tug and pull at since the day they start to manage motor skills. I would if I had one. Then, one day, all that fiddling surprises them with a swift shot of spooge. Obviously, this feels good. So they keep tugging.

Girls on the other hand don’t really have much of a need to pull and push at our neatly hidden vaginas. So most of us girls don’t stumble on to orgasms on our lonesome. Most of us just ignore it until we’re getting naked with other people and then we’re stuck not knowing really what the hell an orgasm is.

By the time I was 18, I had had exactly one orgasm courtesy of a guy I swiftly dumped the next day, as I had absolutely no idea how to return the favor and figured the silent treatment was the best response. (Yes, I am a total chicken.)

A couple months later, when my older sister asked me if I had had an orgasm, I could smugly say yes. But then I got drunk and admitted I had no idea if it would ever happen again. She told me what may seem like basic advice, but what seemed golden to me at the time and what I’ve passed on to many of my friends since then:

“You have to teach yourself how to masturbate. Give yourself two hours alone in your room, turn down the lights, put on music, spit on your fingers, prod around down there, fiddle with yourself. It takes a couple of hours first. Just keep going until something happens.”

I was lucky; thanks to the hapless guy that helped me the first time, my practice was motivated by the fact that orgasms are, well, fucking orgasmic. But, even so, I still think if you stumble around long enough, you’ll figure it out.

Even with knowing to a certain extent what I was looking for, it took me a month to get there. Really. 30 days. But when I got it finally, I was like a 13-year-old boy. Sneaking off every chance I could. Making excuses to go home early. Going nuts with my own finger. It took me an hour to reach orgasm back then. Now it takes me about a minute. People think it’s kind of freakish how fast it happens. Fuck them. Practice makes perfect.

Written by kali

July 10, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Voyeurism Is Participation

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John Cameron Mitchell (Headwig and the Angry Inch) takes his second stab at directing in “Shortbus”, an experimental and sharp look at sex and all it’s funny, scary, heartbreaking and rejuvenating qualities, where the picture doesn’t fade to black once the actors take their clothes off.  Although a little cliche at times, any non-pornographic film that opens with a man sucking his own cock and cumming on his own face is worth a once over in my book.  All the sex is real.  It’s quirky and sentimental, exploring sex disguised as love and love disguised as sex, and considering many of the varying emotional states attached to the orgasm, all while being unapologetically and unabashedly explicit.  A sincere portrait of a group of new yorkers all struggling with their own intimate problems, Shortbus is nothing if not over the top, good natured, and fun to look at.  Music by Yo La Tengo to boot.

“If there is such thing as hard core with a soft heart this is it” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Watch the uncensored trailer here.


Written by icecreeem

May 9, 2009 at 5:42 pm